What am I doing?

it is 5.16 am. nope. i'm not awake because of Subuh. I've been awake. 
Around 8 pm, I decided to drink MILO and not just one cup but two cups. then ratah milo lagi dua paket. because I was hungry a bit. I ate rice with egg and serunding before that..
maybe that's the reason why I couldn't sleep.

or maybe

cuz I am so MADDDDDD !!!!

I AM JUST SO MAD!!

came back yesterday, balik2 buka petiais nak cari salmon sebab nak makan, and eh pelik kenapa petiais tak sejuk and berair je. OMGGGG, the freezer tak beku!!!
Salmon jadi cokelat, brocoli macam sup je jadi, blood everywhere.
Darah babi ada , darah ayam ada. KULAT, BACTERIA, kaler hijau ada cokelat ada.
teringat ni nak termuntah bueeeeeeeeeeeeekkk

and took me the whole evening to clean up.
memang la lama, sebab satu peti ais ok.
kena tuang barang dengan hati-hati sebab tak nak air jatuh lantai.
tapi fail jugak. sour cream tumpah. ewwwwwwwwwww
sour cream ada fungi.

hey, let me remind i'm a biochemist. i play with fungi and bacterias and my kind of organisms in the lab, so i know their structure and what they do and how disgusting they can be.
so thats why it make me bueeeeeeeeeeeek and gedik lebih bab2 nak cuci fungi ni
GELIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!
And I dont want to inhale those stuff sebab nanti masuk lung and infection. ntah bacteria apa ada masa tu. dah la ada bacon. lagi la banyak bacteria !!
i dont react like geli-ish in the lab sebab dalam lab smua hygenice condition.
ada gloves, lab coat, fume cupbord and protector bagai.

Can you see the FUNGUS?? of course NO! Dh camera x clear

this area was worse. 3 tingkat . 1st penuh dengan darah, bertakung. 2nd x penuh dengan darah ada la sikit. tapi ada daging babi je. 3rd nasiib baik kering. you see there , i drop the sour cream.

i know you would say i'm such a whiner and mengada. it is easy to clean up.
hell no!
it is not easy. smua barang berat. dekat 8 plastic sampah biru yg amalysia punya, umi bawakkn.
but what made me so mad.
cuz hari tu umi datang baru beli groceries dengan umi. dekat 100 GBP jugak la masa tu , or maybe more than that.
masa buang2 makanan  tu. YaAllah membazir gila..rasanya boleh kata dekat 150 GBP. 
kenapa banyak sangat?
sebab stock 3 bulan.
and I dont buy supermarkets punya brand. thats why .not all my stuff ada chop tesco /asda /sainsbury. i mean bukan smua la x der brand sainsbury. i love sainsbury biscuit. but i prefer morrison pnya pisang than sainsbury. pisang sainsbur slalu tak masak and kena tunggu lama baru masak.
this is my way.eg. ada pasta sauce 37 p from morrison , and dekat sainsbury they hv very good italian brand on sale for 1 GBP. harga asal 3 ++. so i will take the italian brand. The morrison punya rasa pelik. macam air and very liquidish. the other one thick pasta paste.
so this apply to pizza and mayonese and other foods.

so now do i have a valid reason to get MAD/ SAD/ ANGRY??

and TADA!!

peti ais dh kosong. tu masa belum cuci. i think samak the whole fridge, for some reason i feel like the fridge is freaking contagious.
i couldnt find kitchen cleaner, so lantak pi la , amek je bathroom cleaner, so it smells like toilet kejap.
so esok kena letak uncang teh utk bagi serap bau

so petiais ni rosak sebab apa?
hrmm. actually baru jer found out peti ais ni tak rosak. 
someone secara tidak sengaja oor accident or dengan sengaja demi menjimatkan tenaga elektik tertekan button to 0 which is OFF .

i'm not accusing anyone. BUT the button cant move on its own.
4 suspects in the house.
UMI (cuz Umi was here), me , vicky, akifa.
Umi doesnt even knw the switch and me too! i have no idea there is a switch dekat belah2 atas cuz i'm short duuh..
so now left with 2 suspects.
can I pinjam sherlock holmes kejap please?

I hope I will cool down before they get back after New Year, cuz if not I'll get so mad and I would not be able to control myself.
i hate it when this happen :(

fizah.

ChurpChurp?

Heyyy there's something different about the #ChurpChurp site! #TheNewChurp2 http://my.sharings.cc/p/66rKE

UMI IS HERE!

So Umi has been here since last 2 weeks or so. to visit me :))

do you know the feeling when you get back from lectures and lab from 9-5 and there is  food at home ready for you to eat?

YES i have been spoiled. i did not cook at all since umi got here. kalo nak tolong umi asyik kena maarah and kena bebel so baik duduk diam2.

we didnt go anywhere besides shopping at cabot and we went to clarks village. abg alias and kakros bawakkan. umi got herself 3 pairs of shoes!! 3 pairs ok! i only got one.

from left nuha, abg alias, umi and kak ros

this is the heels that i want but sadly i cant wear heels anymore T_T

I wanted to get Boots tapi umi bagi and at the same time umi cakap I'll be here for another 5 months. so it is not worth it.

sebab the boots that I want is GBP 80.00 .it is already half price duhh. was GBP 160.

for me shoes are always good investment. cuz we walk everyday. you cant buy cheap shoes. and wear the same shoes for a long time and for every occasions. most of the shoes that I bought during my first year ,dah rosak dah pun. the tapak dah haus sebab jalan banyak sangat and tapak bocor. those are Clarks and Rieker but probably cuz I walk a lot. now I really need new boots. i hate it when it is raining and my socks get wet. it is annoying.

this is the Timberland Boots that I want. yurp GBP 80but i love it. tapi tak jadi beli la sbb dh mahal

so shopping with umi is awesome! 

I am broke actually so thats why this time it is awesome hehehe

The day before we went to Clarks Village, we had a short visit to London , stayed one night at Izati's place.

at Paddington Station.

i realized that I've seen lots of this square thingy in London

it was only a short visit since Umi nak jumpa kawan umi from US.

the thing is, Umi ni banyak sangat kawan, rasa macam dunia ni sangat kecik.

nasib baik la anak lecturer tak ramai sangat kat UK kalo tak mesti Umi nak lawat smua anak2 kawan umi . hehe.

i dont mind i like jalan-jalan . tapi kesian kat Umi sebab Umi asyik penat. and Umi is too nice to people, which make me annoyed most of the time.

yes you will be reading this Umi, but I LOVE YOU <3 font="">

Today is 21st December, we are now back in London staying at Berjaya Hotel, Bayswater.

The room looks cosy right?

We are staying at the hotel that we used to stay 8 years ago. 8 years ago when I was in Form 3.

during that time bilik kecik nak mampos. but at least this is comfy enough. and there are lots of spaces compare to last time. Ayah cant even fit himself into the shower. owh and now we have a bath tub! 

Umi is going back on 25th December on Xmas Day.so we'll be in London smpai that day.

I am so sad :(

 but it is okay. Tomorrow we are going to Oxford Street!! buat apa lagi kalo bukan SHOPPING !!

I still need to find new boots for this coming winter and new sport shoes. harap2 ada sale.

:))

adios

fizah.

My favourite websites

What are the top websites i always visit.

1. 9GAG - i can scroll down my 9gag app on my phone and get stuck for more than 2 hours. so thats why I would rather not open it after 10 pm. nanti tido lewat.

2. PININTEREST.
this is my link - http://www.pinterest.com/fizah2hhbunga/
basically they have lots of cute pictures of crafts and flowers and DIY stuff. I just Love it <3 font="" nbsp="">

3. CURTZY http://www.curtzy.com/ 
I found a new pretty site for arts supplies!!! knitting /cake decorating / jewellery making.
i would love to get some stuff from this site.


4. SHOPPING SITES

http://www.gogroopie.com 
this site really has lots and lots of deals ! you can continue scrolling and scrolling. but there is a catch..there is no free delivery. so you have to add up more money actually. usually more than £4.

https://local.amazon.co.uk 
www.groupon.co.uk
i've been buying lots of stuff from here.
and even bought prague flight + accomodation from here. really cheap deal !
I'm planning to go somewhere in Europe again by buying Groupon Voucher.

https://www.livingsocial.com

i have to say Ebay.co.uk and Amazon.co.uk are tempat menghabiskan duit also.

If let say malas nak pegi city centre , then cari jer online .


tapi ingat jangan membazir.

peace.

my special place at the library

The Uni has a special room for special people

and i can get access to the room. the chairs are much more comfy than the plastic chair outside as in the whole library building.

the table can be adjusted and the computer too. and they hv special mouse. and it is just special cuz not everyone can use it :)

fizah

How's LIFE?

i had been missing for quite some time.

i shut down myself from everyone. deactivated FB, twitter, whatsapp, ignoring calls & text, and ppl.

but now i'm back i guess.

i hated everyone, i was so pissed off with everybody around me for no reason. when i said everybody and everyone, i mean it. but it wasn't the real me. so now i feel sorry for those I hurt without realizing.

so what happen actually?

i'm not sure. i will give excuse cuz the drugs that i had been taking. maybe.

but i needed some time alone for myself.

my head was a mess. going to see GP every 2 weeks, walking down to hospital, seeing different nurses, and had to explain every single thing again and again are really tiring.

i hated hospitals. and the fact that I had to go alone. and just me. im always the youngest patient whenever i go to the hospital . and this made me stress.
most patients at the Rheumatology Department are old people. older than Tok. some can walk , some cant and they use wheel chair. i saw deformed joints at the leg and fingers. and of course that scared me off!!!

so these are the most frustrating things that happened in my life.

i'm not really complaining here, if you don't like what you are reading, read no further.

i'm still grateful I still have my family and some friends that are supporting me.

but some people can be such a jerk. they are so mean and just mean and sooooo mean!
i don't blame them but God is fair, so i wish one day they know and understand what I had to go through.

someone said i'm such a whimp and weakling!. and i have the body of an old lady, and my skin is so bad and ugly recently! and some LAUGH and think it is funny. REAL FUNNY TO have PAIN !!!

so how do I feel?

obviously MAD and SAD! and FURIOUS! and I wanted to bitch slap them!

but ok SABAR. in the end i just cried and felt low and i felt like i don't want to live anymore. and i just hated everybody.

they don't understand. so ok i shouldn't blame them. but still why are they so mean and think it is funny?
well God is fair right. i still wish one day they get to feel it too. i sound mean but they do deserve it.
no i m not wishing them to be a better person. they just don't deserve good prayers.

what kind of human can be happy by seeing other people's suffering?

sick mean ppl which dont deserve to live.

ok i sound pissed. i am. well i was.

but then life has to go on . thats why I am still alive!

so i had been thinking, what the hell am I suppose to do? what about the pain everyday?

so ive listed out in my mind which I did wrote them down last week on a piece of paper.

1. ignore ppl who use religious excuse to preach me.
-i do appreciate it but i dont really like it.
-if you preach me but you said such mean things to me, you should go to hell !
- but i dont mean ignore ppl, as in ignore them when they started to preach religious matter.
-ok i know this pain is just a test from God. but please...just stop preaching! it is so annoying !
-by preaching me wont stop me from gettting pain 24/7
-i will be patience but i cant listen when everyone start telling me to be patience. it is complicated.
-i can be really stubborn.
-and please stop giving me religious links to read or youtube ceramah. i wont open it.
-thanks for helping though.

2. cut friendship those who made a joke of me
-like seriously why do I even need these kind of mean people in my life
- they don't deserve to be called friends and of course no exceptional to family

3. I'll do whatever I want to satisfy myself and make me happy
-sounds selfish? yes. i cn be.
-of course, i must not do something against religion that can make God angry.
-for example : i went GLIDING last Sunday. I just want to do something different and I LOVE IT! every moment when I was on air. my instructor said I am natural and i learn fast <3 font="" nbsp="">
-and i had to tell them only after i went.sorrrryyy. cuz i know umi will get worried and panic -_-
it is not that scary when above 2000ft on air. it was amazing and awesome!
and i finally had to tell ayah and umi cuz nanti tak dapat berkat, tak baik la plak. hehe =p
-and i started baking every Thursday and gave the stuff that I bake to random ppl at the library.
-part of self therapy? maybe.
-im trying to make myself happy here.
- i love my public speaking society.
-i started joining art society, im going for the life drawing session soon. yess. drawing naked human.
i want to try it. cant do it in Malaysia because it is to obscene
-and im studying too much and reading research paper make me get headache!!! but i love biochemistry. and the fact that i change it to MEDICAL BIOCHEMISTRY! i did not regret it.

4. eat healthily
- i lost 4 kg. in one month. cuz of new drug that i took. cause diarrhea and vomiting and lost of appetite.
-im stopping on steroid drug that i had to take for 7 months..so yeaa no more water retention. so i wont look chubby. i will finally have face contour.
-i dont cook so how to eat healthy. im still trying to figure this out.

5. exercise
-ive been exercising 3 times a week.
-ada Xbox Kinect kan. but of course it comes with pain the next day. fast movement is always painful.

6. sleep well.
- i sleep almost 7.5 hours every night ! and every night i have weird dreams, and sometimes crazy nightmares.
-thats why i had a dream of hadi kena kejar dengan hantu pokok pisang. funny right? but so scary.
-my dreams seems so real most of the time and it is so hard to wake up and get into reality. i do get confused sometimes whats reality and whats not. just one of the side effect of the drug.

7. try to think positively and worry less
- hardest things to do!
- i cn force myself to think positively . but i get distracted, when ppl around me start giving negative thoughts. that can be solved. by ignoring ppl.
-ill try to worry less.
im worried about my final year. final year is so freaking hard!
so much stuff. biochemistry is amazing!!!
it is so interesting but not so when it comes to memorizing.

these are all in my lists.

i guess thats all i hv to write in my post this time.

i wish i have the mood to write blog everyday
but laziness always stop me.
oh well

i will update soon. i would rather update here than using FB.

fizah